we woke up at the same time and i asked her if she was doing alright and circles under her eyes suggested otherwise. she said that i had a lot to drink last night. and all i wanted was to not be so shy. i thought a lot about it all and in a moment it occurred to me. so now i spend the better part of my nights kidding myself to sleep. one day i'll gather the strength to stop. maybe sooner, or later, i can't say. i get the picture over and over. been trying to rewire my brain. well i got up to say goodbye and she told me that i was out of my mind. i stood still and stared straight and she asked me what i could possibly derive from such an awful state. and all that i thought when i put my hood up, feigned a smile as i looked down at your feet, was that i'm glad that i got a chance to watch it all slip out from underneath. this is all just a paradigm that i've gotten used to throughout my life and now the consequences batter my mind.