i've been letting so much slide. i settled into the downhill slope of a long, dark afterlife in no time. one look at the bright side left me blind. you are brighter than me, so bright that i can't take it. you were right there for me, to think what you put up with. we have grown to be so estranged that we just fall apart in person. you don't have to concede. you don't have to do anything. i am not worth it at all. no, i left you all alone. and i am so sorry for everything, that everything was happening so fast, like trying to hold a severed hand up against my wrist in hopes that it will reattach i know you’d let me use your skin and bone as a graft and it tries me to recover how fast paced our hearts raced. it kills me. it pains me to know that I couldn’t remember, i might as well have not even been there- and how you were effectively alone. it sickens me, too sick to see, I’m lashing out blindfolded. if you don’t want to keep being friends with me, you know i’d understand it. now everything seems fucked permanently, so fucked that i can’t fake it. and in reverie, you escaped from me, and left my sad smile vacant. you left it vacant. you were so close to me, i just was not used to it but i refuse to believe that I didn‘t mean it. you could never be too harsh on me; i will always deserve it. but can you just please trust me, i don’t do it on purpose.